So i was having a conversation with one of my BFFs @livelovedlost and I was telling her that I was very upset that people (my friends, my family, my boyfriend at the time) didn’t tell me that I was gaining weight or had gained an enormous amount of weight. She told me that you can’t just tell people that they’ve gained weight because the response would not be favorable. I asked her in the future, if I start gaining weight to tell me. While it isn’t pleasant to hear, I think it’s is needed and warranted.
After I worked out and was in the shower I was thinking back to that conversation. I thought to myself, it was no ones responsibility to tell me that I had gained weight. It was my own responsibility to look in the mirror and see myself. I have to be honest and admit that I never looked at myself in mirror in a way to gauge how much weight I had actually gained until I was over 100 lbs heavier. All I remember is that my clothes stopped fitting. That was my responsibility at that point to take action on what i wanted needed to do. It would be nice to have friends, like I have now, who were supportive, but it definitely isn’t anyone else responsibility.
I’m so thankful for this adventure that my friends and I have decided to start! There definitely have been setbacks, but there has also been many victories for myself which motivates me even more. I know that moving across the country, ending a relationship, going back to school, and raising my daughter literally on my own had to happen for me to end up in the place that I am right now. I am a huge believer of fate, kismet karma, or whatever you want to call it. I everything had to align in the way it did for me to be ready and open to this and take it so seriously.
Do you have supportive people encouraging you to live better? How did you know you were ready for a change?
There I said it. I admitted it. I’ve been in a funk for the past few days and at first I wasn’t understanding why. In the last 11 years I’ve never forgotten February 14th. Not for Valentines day, but that is the day I lost my grandmother in 2001. My grandma and I were really close and I get emotional every year when I think about what i wish she was able to see me accomplish and share with me.
Yesterday, I got a call that my daughter was finally accepted into an early head start program that I have been trying to get her into and I had so much to do that I completely forgot about yesterday. So I’ve been on a 3 day binge eating horribly. I feel guilty and i know I need to get it back together
I can make a ton of excuses about this and not do anything about it….but I’m not going to. Excuses are excuses and they do not excuse the fact that I have not stuck to the commitment i was making to myself. Something will always happen in life to make me upset or disappointed or sad….that is not an excuse to overeat and eat like a pig. So I will be getting back together….thanks to everyone that has shown encouragement I appreciate it.
I’m also one of the posters for futurefitdivas! Just introducing myself and sharing my goals 🙂
About My Journey
So, my whole life I was bigger. I remember my mom buying us panty girdles (aka spanks) and support top panty hose and saying things like “Hold your stomach in!” and “Don’t look messy!” When I was in high school between junior and senior year I got sick and I lost about 30 pounds. I couldn’t really eat anything and what I did eat had to be small portions. It consisted mainly of fruits, vegetables and baked chicken because it’s all I could really tolerate. I was never given an official diagnosis but that is what started me on a journey to eating better. I saw a huge weight loss just by changing my diet! Of course after that, life happened! I’ve moved to different cities a couple of times, I’ve changed occupations, my schedule has changed. It’s so hard to keep a consistent regimen. I’ve tried Weight Watchers (which I would suggest to anyone who can afford it, loved it!). But at this point in my life I don’t want a set plan or regimen because I’ve realized I have to make healthy decisions everyday even when my plan won’t work and even when I can’t work out regularly and even when I don’t feel like it. I’m a stress eater, an emotional eater, pretty much I eat when I feel anything. I’ve gained about 15-20 pounds since starting medical school, and I’ve realized there will never be a time when I can stop everything and devote all my energy to losing weight or being healthy. It has to be an accumulation of everyday decisions to eat healthy and make better decisions!
So… my goals you ask? …. Well…
Make healthier decisions regarding food. This entails choosing foods with higher fiber, lower fat/calorie content, less junk food (which I currently live off of), more water, etc.
Since I can’t work out regularly, I want to work out when I can, take the stairs instead of elevators, park farther in parking lots so I have to walk further to the store. Anything I can do to increase my physical activity I will try to do!
Get back in touch with God and feeling that connection I once had. If my relationship with God is in line, everything else will follow!
Work on healthier relationships with friends, family, etc!
So, I’m not calling this day one…it’s just another day on a continuing journey to eat better and be healthy in all aspects of life!!!